Most of us truly, deep down desire to fully yield our lives to God, surrendering all–all our hopes, dreams, failures, actions, etc… We try to “accommodate” God by adding Him into our lives and trying to do what He wants us to do. However, in that process I have found in my life that I end up trying to push God in a direction instead of yielding to God’s direction.
I have had a journey with God asking me to do things that are difficult for me to say “yes” to. Difficult because of my lack of confidence, fear and insecurity. When I do say yes to God, I usually still try to make it happen my own way, find a way to make it feel less risky, and maybe even attempt to control how the whole thing goes. I am learning in these processes that I am pushing and not yielding.
When we say “yes” in obedience to God,that yes is yield and not a push. Saying yes to God doesn’t mean we have to jump in and start making things happen, and telling God what we want Him to do. Its yielding. It’s praying, “Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done here Lord.” It’s praying for what He wants, and not necessarily what we want. And sometimes it doesn’t make sense to us. Even when it doesn’t make sense, yielding is allowing God to lead instead of trying to take over, or push our way.
God recently showed me how I do this pushing-what-I-want-thing while I was dealing with Chloe getting ready for school one day this week.
We had five minutes to get out the door to head to school. Which meant it was time to put her coat on, then backpack, then pick up the lunch box and water bottle. This sounds fairly simple, but no. It never is. This time she really wanted to wear this Mickey Mouse scarf/hat thing. She was really focused on wanting that. I knew that should be the last thing to put on. I knew where it was. It was by the door on the way out.
We were in the kitchen and I needed her to put on her heavy coat first, then her back pack, then pick up her lunch and water, then I would lead her to that last step. As we stood in the kitchen, I kept saying, “Please put your coat on.” To which she would say in desperation, “BUT I WANT TO WEAR THE MICKEY THING.” It kept going back and forth with, “Yes, you can have it, just put your coat on,” “but can I have the Mickey thing now?!”
I had a process in my head that would lead her to what she wanted, but she wouldn’t take the first step. Finally I said in a slightly (or majorly) frustrated tone, “Chloe just put your coat on and I will lead you to the scarf and hat. It’s at the backdoor and you have to have your coat and backpack on first before we leave to get it. Just do this first step, and I will take you to what you need.”
Literally as those words came out of my mouth, I began to chuckle because it was as if God was saying them to me. I realized at the moment I act like Chloe was acting all the time with God. He is leading me step-by-step to those desires HE has put in my heart, to the dreams HE has called me to, but I want to skip steps. I want to be in charge. I want to tell Him that I don’t want to do this specific thing right now, I want that. He is whispering, “Yes I know what you need, but just take this step right now, and I am leading you to that.”
Just like I had the plan mapped out in my head that was best for Chloe, so God has the same mapped out that’s best for me. I can’t see it all the time. I don’t know the all steps He has planned, but if I will just take each step as He put it in front of me, He will lead me to what I need.