Have you ever felt eaten alive by a situation in life? Or felt like you might not survive? I want my recently launched book, Perfectly Weak, to be about more than my story. This is about all of our stories–how we can find healing in our brokenness and be infused with God’s strength in the midst of our weaknesses. We all have stories of broken hearts and wounds, and I love sharing others’ stories of overcoming! Please read my sister-in-law’s beautiful story of how God met her in shattering loss and she found Him faithful.
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Creative, faithful, loving, forgiving, nurturing and so much more; I had learned those were characteristics of God. However, in December of 2000, I learned about the sovierenty of God. My husband and I were youth pastors expecting our second child. At a very routine check up, I abruptly found out I was pregnant with twins and that I had lost both children. Twenty-two weeks into a very normal pregnancy my world was shattered. The first question I asked was why? I knew God could have fixed this. As a matter of fact, I felt like He owed me. I had done everything the “right way.” And that night as I lay in bed I began to imagine a different picture of God. It was one the enemy was painting. With dark strokes of brazen lies, he began to color a very tainted picture of my situation. It was destructive and it focused on what God had not done for me rather than all He had done for me.
I continued to carry that pregnancy for almost a month, all the while knowing there would be nothing but heartache that would come from it. I found myself focused on the loss and darkness the enemy delights in. It was apparent I was walking in the valley of the shadow of death and was becoming more and more comfortable there — alone, angry, jaded, and broken.
It wasn’t until the sweet voice of the Holy Spirit reminded me that turning my mourning into dancing had to be something I chose to do. Reluctant and broken, I lifted my hands to Him. In an instant, Jesus met me and all of a sudden I realized that God was right in the middle of the pit with me. I guess I had always known that, but I FELT Him for the first time in what seemed like forever. The gentle strokes of His hand now colored over my broken heart and I began to understand His sovereignty. He knew all along I would need to go to a place I had never been, so I could know Him in a way I had never known.
When I thought I would not survive, Jesus showed up! Not only did I survive but also I began to grow with an intimate understanding what the prophet Isaiah penned in chapter 55 verse 8 when he wrote, “ My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, and my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” He is sovereign and sees what we cannot. After I lost those babies, in 2002 I gave birth to our son Jaden . His name means “God has heard.” In the middle of heartache He is still sculpting and designing. His fingerprints are all over every situation we face.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any & every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13.
There was a period of time in my life I did not think I would survive, but because of who Jesus is and what He conquered on the cross, not only did I survive but I thrived. Whatever may seem to be crushing to you today, please know you can survive it and come out stronger on the other side. With Jesus ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!